To mother a mentally handicapped child is a life filled with unexpected challenges.
But despite all the challenges it is also an experienced filled with boundlessly LOVE and JOY.
With my son you can’t really see that he is any different than other kids, when you first meet him. He is good looking 9-year old boy, with a wide smile and sparkling eyes. Of course that is a blessing, but can also be kind of a curse. People immediately expect more of him, than he can cover. And often gaze strangely at me when I talk to him in a way you would do a much smaller child.
I’m always very open about my son’s condition. But not every situation gives me the opportunity to explain. And that’s why I’ve been thinking a lot of the way many people behave. Why can’t all people find it in their heart to understand, acknowledge and embrace that though we are not all alike – we are all beautiful and unique beeings. ♥
Holidays for example are not the best things for children like my son. They tend to get restless and frustrated due to the lack of their daily routine. And another thing that can cause him to be unsettled is crowded places.
To give you one specific example;
This summer we went on a road trip. One day we stopped at this small village to have lunch. It was people everywhere. Luckily we found a table outside at a lovely restaurant.
When we sat down, I could see right away that my son was feeling uncomfortable in the crowded restaurant. He turned to me for comfort, sat down on my knee and wanted me to cuddle and kiss him. I managed to calm him down, enough to make him sit kinda quietly and eat his food, but as soon as he finished he wanted to get up and leave. I firm and quietly explained to him that I hadn’t finished my meal yet and that he had to sit down and behave. He started sobbing and clinging to me. I’m so used to this, that when matters like this occurs I do as always, talk quietly, firm and precise, and don’t give any nourishment to the bad behavior.
At this point my two teenagers are also finished eating, and they say they could go with him to the shop next door of the restaurant, to pick out a toy I had promised to buy him after the meal.
Since his brain, thinks somewhat different than most of us find logical, he does not understand that he have to walk around to get to the shop, so what he do is that he climbs over the chains that delimits the restaurants outdoor space. I explain to him that this isn’t the right thing to do, but at this point he is so uncomfortable that I couldn’t get through to him.
After a while they come back, he has found a stuffed reindeer, and wants me to come to shop immediately. I then explain that I have to pay for the meal first. He is by now rather frenetic, and when I start walking out of the restaurant, which is in the other direction than the shop is, he starts panicking; yelling and crying. And it takes a few minutes before he gets that I coming back in the same direction he is going.
When we finally gets out of the restaurant and in to the shop and buy him his reindeer, he calms down. Thankfully!
What puzzles me though is some peoples need to loudly spiteful comment on incidents like this. There was two couples sitting on a table close to us, and they went out of their way to make loud comments about how awful the behavior of my child was, and so on. I maybe could understand their reaction, if I hadn’t reproved him, but due to the whole scenario it should be clear to everyone within reach, that this is a situation with a child with special needs.
My two teenagers where really hurt by the comments they made, and I do regret not going over to their table talking to them. Telling them how their thoughtlessness deeply affects others.
I always thaught my kids; "If you don't have anything nice to say - then don't!" That's from Disneys Bambi, where Thumpers mother says this to her kids. I've always loved that saying!
I forgive these people though ~ I acknowledge that their minds sadly are too limited to see things from a wider perspective they act like this only because they do not know any better!
My son has really taught me so much in life. Like how to interact more smoothly with others, be open-minded and see the beauty in the difference of people. He also taught me to not mind so much about what others think, as long as I feel good.
So now, if we’re in a supermarket or something and my son say to me; “Listen to this cool music! Mum, let’s dance” I think, what the heck, the “worst” that can happen is that I make someone laugh! And they usually do :D! It’s wonderful!
At times when I’m feeling exhausted, I just think of my sons beautiful big brown smiling eyes, the way he cock his head and says “I love you mum!” The best feeling in the world!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Welcome to the Netherlands
***This is a piece I have NOT written myself. I lent it from a community for parents of childern with special needs, which I am a member of called Foreldrehjelpen.com***
•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.
People tend to ask how it’s like to have a handicapped child, here is a story to explain to the ones that hasn’t this unique experience, so that they can imagine how this feels.
When you’re expecting a child, it’s almost like planning a fantastic trip to Italy. You buy guide books and make big plans of what to see and do. Colosseum, Michelangelo, Pompeii. And you start to learn a bit of the Italian language. After months with eager and exciting planning and expectation, the day is finally there. You pack your bags, sets of to the airport and everything is just fine.
Hours later, when the plane lands, the air hostess takes the microphone and says: “Welcome to the Netherlands” You’re startled “The Netherlands?” you’ll say. “I didn’t book for the Netherlands! I was meant to go to Italy! My whole life I’ve dreamt of going to Italy!!”
But the route has changed, the plane has landed in the Netherlands, and there you’ll have to stay. The most important is after all, they didn’t take you to an awful, dirty and polluted place. It’s just somewhat different. So you’ll need to buy some new guide books, and you’ll have to learn a new language, and you’ll have to meet a lot of people you never would have met have you gone to Italy.
It’s just another place. Maybe not as fancy as Italy, but it’s more quiet. And when you catch your breath, you’ll start noticing the beautiful things around you. The Netherland has windmills; it has tulips and even Rembrandt.
But everybody you know is busy travelling to and fro Italy and brag about the fabulous times they have there. And for the rest of your life you’ll say: “Yeah, well that was where I meant to go......” And the pain will never ever quite disappear, because the loss of a dream is a huge loss.
BUT if you spend your life to grief never getting to Italy, you’ll never quite be free to ENJOY the BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL and EXTRAORDINARY things about the Netherlands”
•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.
People tend to ask how it’s like to have a handicapped child, here is a story to explain to the ones that hasn’t this unique experience, so that they can imagine how this feels.
When you’re expecting a child, it’s almost like planning a fantastic trip to Italy. You buy guide books and make big plans of what to see and do. Colosseum, Michelangelo, Pompeii. And you start to learn a bit of the Italian language. After months with eager and exciting planning and expectation, the day is finally there. You pack your bags, sets of to the airport and everything is just fine.
Hours later, when the plane lands, the air hostess takes the microphone and says: “Welcome to the Netherlands” You’re startled “The Netherlands?” you’ll say. “I didn’t book for the Netherlands! I was meant to go to Italy! My whole life I’ve dreamt of going to Italy!!”
But the route has changed, the plane has landed in the Netherlands, and there you’ll have to stay. The most important is after all, they didn’t take you to an awful, dirty and polluted place. It’s just somewhat different. So you’ll need to buy some new guide books, and you’ll have to learn a new language, and you’ll have to meet a lot of people you never would have met have you gone to Italy.
It’s just another place. Maybe not as fancy as Italy, but it’s more quiet. And when you catch your breath, you’ll start noticing the beautiful things around you. The Netherland has windmills; it has tulips and even Rembrandt.
But everybody you know is busy travelling to and fro Italy and brag about the fabulous times they have there. And for the rest of your life you’ll say: “Yeah, well that was where I meant to go......” And the pain will never ever quite disappear, because the loss of a dream is a huge loss.
BUT if you spend your life to grief never getting to Italy, you’ll never quite be free to ENJOY the BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL and EXTRAORDINARY things about the Netherlands”
Monday, November 23, 2009
Steady path to your goal
Keep your faith in YOU – no matter what others do
Anything you want – Anything you dream –
Can be yours ENTIRELY
Don’t let others drag you down – with negative thoughts and attitude
Find your path and steady go,
Hold your head high and truly know
That YOU will get your GOALS
You’re in your flow – going downstream - like going on a rollercoaster
You feel the butterflies inside
The BEST feeling of LIFE
You know that that GOAL is closer
Anything you want – Anything you dream –
Can be yours ENTIRELY
Don’t let others drag you down – with negative thoughts and attitude
Find your path and steady go,
Hold your head high and truly know
That YOU will get your GOALS
You’re in your flow – going downstream - like going on a rollercoaster
You feel the butterflies inside
The BEST feeling of LIFE
You know that that GOAL is closer
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The World in my dream
*** This is a poem I originally wrote in the early 90's. It was published in the local newspaper back then. ***
The World in my dream
Why are there soldiers?
Why are there guns?
Will the leaders of the world
never see how this will end?
I want to live in a world
Where there’s no hate and violence
I want to live in a world
With food and love for every men
I want to live in a world
Without borders between lands
I want to live in a world
That holds peace and freedom for each man
We don’t need any weapons
nor do we need no war
If we all could join together
in harmony and soar..
Deeply in our souls
I know that everyone
will find it in their hearts
To contribute and join
Tomorrow when you wake up
Meet the world with the belief
That cruelness disappears
If YOU are kind to all you meet
In my dream world
Where people doesn’t fight
There are no guns
And there are no knives
There are no environmental disaster
That comes from toxic waste
There are no nuclear disasters
That comes from a “human mistake”
In my dream world
The crucially are
KNOWLEDGE and LOVE
Appreciated by all
It shouldn’t have to be
As hard as we might think
To make this world into
A LOVING PEACEFUL PLACE!
The World in my dream
Why are there soldiers?
Why are there guns?
Will the leaders of the world
never see how this will end?
I want to live in a world
Where there’s no hate and violence
I want to live in a world
With food and love for every men
I want to live in a world
Without borders between lands
I want to live in a world
That holds peace and freedom for each man
We don’t need any weapons
nor do we need no war
If we all could join together
in harmony and soar..
Deeply in our souls
I know that everyone
will find it in their hearts
To contribute and join
Tomorrow when you wake up
Meet the world with the belief
That cruelness disappears
If YOU are kind to all you meet
In my dream world
Where people doesn’t fight
There are no guns
And there are no knives
There are no environmental disaster
That comes from toxic waste
There are no nuclear disasters
That comes from a “human mistake”
In my dream world
The crucially are
KNOWLEDGE and LOVE
Appreciated by all
It shouldn’t have to be
As hard as we might think
To make this world into
A LOVING PEACEFUL PLACE!
Look further ~ thoughts about life!
It is about lifting your eyes. Looking further, beyond or above!
Think about when you walk down a road, maybe a route you go daily, or at least very often. You tend to think you know every single turn and scenery on this route. Then the next time you go there, lift your eyes, look in another direction. You'll be amazed about the things you will discover. You'll start thinking like; I've been going this route for years and years and I never noticed ...... (you fill in the blanks :)). And so on. It's fun! And it makes you see the bigger picture.
I believe it is like this with most things in life. We tend to go in the same path every day without looking in any other directions than the ones we are used to. In order to grow and thrive we have to start lifting our eyes. We need to look to the left, where we usually look right, we need to look up where we usually look straight ahead and so on!
Go out there and discover the beauty of life around YOU!
Think about when you walk down a road, maybe a route you go daily, or at least very often. You tend to think you know every single turn and scenery on this route. Then the next time you go there, lift your eyes, look in another direction. You'll be amazed about the things you will discover. You'll start thinking like; I've been going this route for years and years and I never noticed ...... (you fill in the blanks :)). And so on. It's fun! And it makes you see the bigger picture.
I believe it is like this with most things in life. We tend to go in the same path every day without looking in any other directions than the ones we are used to. In order to grow and thrive we have to start lifting our eyes. We need to look to the left, where we usually look right, we need to look up where we usually look straight ahead and so on!
Go out there and discover the beauty of life around YOU!
Poems
I am the coolness in the breeze
I am the warmth in the sunin every raindrop
in every star
I am the ONE that caresses your heart
•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸❤¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.
My soul touches yours ~
love and energy flows
We deeply connect ~
through this world we shall grow
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Love and relationship!
*** This was inspired by a friends status on FB yesterday ~ it was so sad and negative and I just felt these words flowing through me ~ and I just had to get them down on "paper"! ***
Love and relationship!
When people think that any relationship will solve all their problems, they are so on the wrong path.
You’ll only take with you whatever problem's in your heart into the new relationship. You need to find peace and harmony within yourself first.
Peace, love and joy ~ pure from your soul and heart!
Then, and only then you can attract the kind of relationship you really want.
Going in to a relationship just for the sake of it, will leave you just as empty and unfulfilled as before (well you might have some great ... (!! :P) on the way, but that won’t be satisfying in the long run). Use you feeling as guidance, listen to them. And follow the path that makes YOU feel GOOD.
If you are going to change who you are, you have to change for YOU. You can change for what feels good and right to YOU. But you can never change for another person, nor can another person change for you!
I say; I rather stay single and happy then miserable in a relationship!
By that I mean; I have a GREAT life! Wonderful kids, a nice home, a good job and a loving family and friends, and most of all, I’m at peace with myself. I enjoy life, doing the things I like. Of course I’m looking to attract my soul mate, but no less. A relationship has to feed energy to my life, not drain me.
Real LOVE are enjoyable and satisfying for our HEART, SOUL, BODY and MIND! ♥♥♥
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